(The following is an interesting discussion from Maalei Adumim's Yahoo Listserve about advice for a woman considering aliyah on how to make aliyah and keep your children intact.)
We are considering making aliyah next summer with the help of Nefesh
B'Nefesh. We are looking into different locations to live using the Internet. We are myself (48 year old widow) and my 8 year old daughter. We live in Florida.We are modern orthodox (kosher,do not wear slacks,have a tv)and my child is an excellent student( poo-poo-poo) at a local,orthodox school known for it's high academic standards and Hebrew-language immersion
program. I've heard that English-speaking kids who grow up in an "Anglo bubble"in Israel develop drug addictions and other emotional difficulties. Any feedback? Thanks!
Hi Rhonda,
I think it is too simple to say that kids who grow up in an "Anglo bubble" end up developing drug addictions and emotional problems. The bigger question for me when I was making the decision of where to settle was whether my kids would successfully integrate into Israel, be Israeli. For that reason, initially, we chose a very Israeli, non-Anglo area...and found there were problems there. Ultimately, after 8 years, we moved to Maale Adumim.
The good news is that your daughter is at a good age. My daughter turned 8 just after we got here. The first thing she remembers learning is that the
Hebrew she learned in yeshiva in America was not the Hebrew she was hearing
in Israel. So, towards that goal, I suggest if you come next summer that you try to get here as early in the summer as possible. If my calculations are correct, you daughter will be going into 4th grade next year...mine went into 3rd...so time is important and each year you delay, it becomes more difficult to really acclimate her. The advantage of Maale Adumim (and other areas might be called Anglo bubbles...is that they are prepared for this issue, know what additional government services are available, readily have teachers who speak some level of English to help, etc.). In our case, our youngest son at the time was almost diagnosed as not ready for first grade...until, quite by accident, the tester heard his speak a word of English and wondered how this severely under-developed kid with such a low vocabulary level could possibly know English. She switched to English, he switched to English...and then realized - oleh chadash...duh).
Regarding the Anglo bubble issue - the drugs/emotional problems is more a symptom, I believe, of how these kids are raised, than the Anglo environment. For many who come here...especially in the last few years and even yes, to Maale Adumim... America is "the ideal" - their parents continue to talk about. "Well, in America, they did it this way" and "in America, you could get" or "In America, this would only cost..." and they travel each summer to stay in the States...where they go on shopping sprees and have a great time. America is that great place to escape to...after the long, hard, boring, school year in Israel. Life, then, is almost on hold until they get back to "home." For those people, aliyah sometimes fails (or kids have problems) because you are never home but always reaching to some imagined golden land...).
If home is here, life is here, fun is here - kids usually do quite well. When we came, we immersed ourselves in a non-Anglo bubble. My kids are as Israeli as you can get. They fight in Hebrew (not that they ever fight...okay, never mind)...most count in Hebrew. My oldest son is in the army and you can't hear any accent or any way to detect that he understands
and speaks English. My kids don't remember America...or the older ones
barely. America is not glorified in our home; not the things, the foods, the values.
In any event, currently, Maale Adumim is not get defined, at least in my mind, as an "Anglo bubble" - there are many places I would define that way,
but thankfully, Maale Adumim doesn't get there yet, and I hope it never
will. We moved here 8 years ago from a yishuv nearer to Tel Aviv partially because of the lack of Anglos, partially because of the type of people
there.
We love it in Maale Adumim because it is very Israeli...while still being a bit gentler than other places, a bit nicer - which I do believe is the
influence of having to many former-Americans here. People are incredible and willing to help. There's great access to resources not available in smaller, less Anglo-sensitive places. Shelly Brinn, the city's aliyah counselor, is amazing and untiring in her efforts to help olim.
The only problem I have identified is finding suitable and reasonably priced housing. The religious area, Mitzpe Nevo is almost impossible. Other
bordering areas are equally difficult. If the city ever agrees to help coordinate a religious area in the new sections, it would be a great service and would likely fill very quickly. To date, the mayor and others seem to be against this. For now, there is religious life in other areas - and many wonderful families living further away from the "religous center" of Maale Adumim...but that may require you and your daughter to work harder to make and meet friends.
We moved into Mitzpe Nevo formally this past summer after living 2 blocks above it for 8 years. Every aspect of that move was a nightmare which we continue to deal with...with the one exception of just living here. I love it here in Mitzpe Nevo - my neighbors are amazing and welcoming - some
>Anglo, many not. Life is so much better for my children down here - they
socialize much more easily, can get anywhere on their own within the neighborhood, etc. Sadly for those seeking to live here, this translates into higher real estate and rentals.You have to balance this higher cost against a higher visibility and ability to connect with kids - speak to Shelly Brinn about that as well.
I can't guarantee that your daughter will not get involved in drugs or develop emotional problems...I can only tell you that my children are so incredibly richer for having come to this city. The younger ones know no
better; but the older ones remember the first place we moved to and thank us for bringing them here. I sometimes stand on my balcony and stare out at the mountains...and thank God that we came not only to this land, but to this amazing city.
Please note - none of the above is an attack on any real estate agents singular, plural, all, some, none, one) ...so you can all just calm down.
Paula
1)The more hebrew you can give your child now the better. the best advice
anyone gave me was to immerse my child back in n.america as much as possible with language skills for the child's every day situations: classroom talk, playing with friends, sports, taking the bus, etc.
2) i NEVER, EVER tell my children how this or that was better in america. the children have a reality check: israel is still going through aches and pains but it is our job as jews to make it better; this is where we belong; and it is truly a gift from Hashem. we are very, very fortunate to
have it and they will be blessed because of it. i also make a point of telling them constantly how "we got out in time" - america is having a major economic collapse that nobody knows how to resolve; they are at war on almost every continent in the world in some capacity; civil liberties are being diminished constantly all in the name of "homeland security".
3) my children are told constantly - through examples of the parsha - that Hashem watches over this land and the people in it. we discuss what will
happen to the jews that are already here as Moshiach comes closer and how
they will be protected.
4) after only 1 1/2 years here my kids will tell you that they wouldn't
even dream of going back to the states. they have pretty much fluent,have lots of friends, are active in sports, doing ok in school, bli ayin hara
5) forget the vacations back to america. my kids are told that Hashem
does not look favorably on anyone who leaves eretz yisrael unnecessarily. this is eretz hakodesh - why would anyone want to leave that for something as mundane as a "vacation"? (and that also goes for turkey, jordan, crete, europe, etc)
6) meet frequently with your kids teachers and counselors here. if they see you care, they will treat your child better by giving her the attention she needs. that means sitting through orientations even if you don't understand one word.
7) never, ever complain about the initial hardships to your children. in fact, do not even complain to yourself. just thank G-d every day that you made it here and that you have merited, through your own determination and sacrifices, to plant future generations in eretz yisrael. you are being given a gift that even Moshe Rabbeinu could not get. count your blessings every day!!!
8) let your children see you using hebrew. in a short while, like my kids, they will laugh at your american accent and your many mistakes. it gives them a demented sort of pleasure. keep them in line by threatening to speak hebrew to their friends.
9) make your home a place where your child's friends can come to and feel comfortable. this is true anywhere.
10) daven every single day for the successful klita of both you and your
children.
hatzlacha!
miriam
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